A change is gonna come…

“A farmer is sitting on his porch in a chair, hanging out. A friend walks up to the porch to say hello, and hears an awful yelping, squealing sound coming from inside the house."What's that terrifyin' sound?" asks the friend."It's my dog," said the farmer. "He's sittin' on a nail." "Why doesn't he just sit up and get off it?" asks the friend.The farmer deliberates on this and replies:"Doesn't hurt enough yet.” 

― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking

As I looked up at the towering building in New York’s Financial District I felt a knot well up in my throat. Later that day I booked a conference room, one in a corner, in the dark, so I could cry in peace.

It would take almost a year before I walked out of that building for good.

It took 4 years from realizing I wanted to leave my job to actually doing it. Was a 401K and health insurance with a side of quiet misery really all that bad? New York is expensive!

I finally was able to negotiate my departure, and my final week was the lightest I’d felt in months.

My story isn’t unique. There are a lot of reasons we delay change in our lives. We’re not ready, it feels scary, or maybe if I just wait long enough the change will just happen on its own. We’ve all been there - the mediocre jobs we stay at, the poor relationships we cling to, the dreams we don’t pursue because it feels too risky.

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase that humans are creatures of habit. From the mundane (brushing our teeth) to the hard-won (training for a marathon) our days are littered with the daily habits that create the lives we live. So what keeps us stuck in the patterns that aren’t working for us anymore?

Now, I love taking a human problem and translating it into a formula. (See Snack #4 on the Trust Equation). Enter the change formula of the conditions necessary for us to create change in our lives:

D x V x F > R

Dissatisfaction: In order for us to even WANT to make a change, we have to feel sufficient dissatisfaction with the status-quo.

Vision: If we’re going take the path less traveled, we have to have some compelling vision of the future, so we’re not just moving away from our dissatisfaction, but toward a future that inspires.

First Step: Big dreams can feel scary, and it can feel overwhelming or even downright hopeless to tackle all at once. So, the first step (or first couple steps) help us focus on just getting started Right Now.

Finally, all of those pieces have to be greater than the Resistance to Change. Resistance can be internal (fears, anxieties, insecurity) or external (financial realities, social pressure, family expectations). In other words - it has to hurt enough to want to change, we have to be able to see a better future, and know at least one next step.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that simply knowing this doesn’t do jack. So, what do you do with this?

Here’s my invitation to reflect - you don’t need to answer all of these, just think about one that tugs at you:

1. What is ONE area in your life that you have been wanting to change or improve, but keep finding reasons not to?

2. Ask yourself:

   1. What am I dissatisfied with, and what is still working for me?

   2. What’s keeping me from making a change?

   3. If those obstacles suddenly ceased to exist, what future would I dream of for myself?

The goal is not to suddenly overhaul your life radically. Instead, consider this a moment to make a choice - what might one small step toward a more fulfilled life look like for you, if you decided it were possible?