Habit Snack#4

I trust you…

Thanks for subscribing to Habit Snacks!

Welcome back to this space for having fun with practical tools to support a life that feels aligned and sustainable.

Today’s Habit:

“People don’t care what you know until they know that you care.” - The Trusted Advisor by David Maister et al

Last week I had the pleasure of leading some learning sessions on Stakeholder Management with developing leaders at a life sciences organization. There I was, with all the prepared materials and talking points, when some real questions started to pop up, taking us on an enthusiastic tangent down a bunny trail of “Tali Loves Learning Lane.”

📝 Cue my turn to grab a sharpie and start scribbling on a flip chart!

When we talk about relationships, and working collaboratively, it’s hard to do that without talking about TRUST. I’ve consulted with many professionals, and will sometimes hear trust described as a choice, or a feeling, or just “having a little faith.” Call me a skeptic, but that’s just not specific enough for me. What I love is a mathematical equation for a nuanced human experience. (Nerd alert! I know.) It’s the same reason I love spreadsheets - taking complex data, and compiling it into a condensed, digestible structure for easy consumption.

🧠 Enter The Trust Equation, a framework that expresses trustworthiness as Credibility + Reliability + Intimacy ÷ Self-Orientation. In other words, the first three boost trust, while the final one undermines it.

My colloquial CliffsNotes version of this is:

• 🗣️ Credibility: Do people think you know your stuff?

  • The words you say, how you say them, and how you demonstrate your experience and skill-set.

• 🗓️ Reliability: Can people count on you?

  • Maister calls this “the repeated experience of links between promises and action.”

• 🤝 Intimacy: Are you building a human relationship?

  • Getting to know people as humans, connecting to their emotions relevant to the topic at hand.

• 🔍 Self-Orientation: Is this about me, or just you?

  • You know that colleague? The one who only ever messages you when they want something? How much do you trust their motives? Don’t be that guy.

So, here’s my Practical Habit Snack for today: the next time you notice trust feels shaky, ask yourself: is this about credibility, reliability, intimacy, or self-orientation? Then pick one small step that will help strengthen that piece. (Hint: often it will start with a conversation.)

Oh, and that “tangent” we took, delving into the Trust Equation? It ended up coming up as one of the key takeaways participants were most excited about. Sometimes trusting yourself in the moment can bring the greatest value for everyone else.

💡 Check Your Trust

Some examples of the Trust Equation in action:

🚩I don’t trust them: I avoid working with my colleague. 
💡 Why?: They keep saying they’ll do something, then drop the ball (Reliability). 
✅ Action: Lean into Intimacy by sharing the impact of their actions, and asking for changed behavior. Leverage Credibility by using thoughtful and objective language.* 

🚩They don’t trust me: I often go along with what other people want, then get resentful and frustrated. 
💡 Why?: I don’t like conflict, and in the moment it feels easier.
✅ Action: Lean into Intimacy by sharing what I really want, starting with small steps (ie yes, I do want coffee instead of tea!) Prioritize the relationship rather than my own priority of avoiding discomfort (reducing self-orientation); I can ask for a moment to think before answering.

🚩We don’t trust eachother: A colleague and I consistently argue and disagree, no matter the topic.
💡 Why?: Neither of us have gotten curious about the other person (intimacy) and we each are consistently focused on our own priorities (self-orientation). 
✅ Action: Ask questions to find commonalities with my colleague (intimacy) and our shared goals and priorities (reduceself-orientation). Choose a shift in my own behavior for better dialogue (can’t control them!) and be consistent (credibility and reliability). 

*See Habit Snacks #3 for more on feedback!

How can I help?

I help leaders, business owners and individuals from all walks of life improve their communication & leadership skills to strategically achieve their goals.

Check out my offerings, and let’s see how we can work together!

Book your free discovery call!

Today’s references are brought to you by: The Trusted Advisor by Robert M. Galford, Charles H. Green, and David H. Maister