Crying in a porsche…
I’ve been thinking about money. To be honest, I’ve probably been thinking about it my whole life. From my first job at 14, to being told “not to discuss salary” once I joined Corporate America, and the negotiations of what shared money means in a marriage, it often feels like a big problem I can’t solve.
Money can be a touchy subject. It may not be as contentious as politics or religion, yet there’s still an unspoken social taboo. It remains a reality of our daily lives - we need money to survive, and for many, it’s tightly tied to our literal sense of worth.
Through the lens of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, money is not valuable in and of itself, but rather to first serve our survival and security. Once our basic needs are met, then we can look at its role in our sense of belonging, esteem, and self-actualization. Now, I’m hardly saying that you can buy belonging and esteem, but it would be naive to say that our income doesn’t play a role in our social circles, and to some extent our personal sense of value.
The million-dollar question is: “what does money mean to me?” I’ve asked countless clients what more money would get them - and the answers are varied, yet strikingly similar to mine: money equals freedom, security, adventure, and safety.
This is especially pertinent with research indicating that once those needs are met, money quite literally cannot buy you happiness. Though let’s be honest - it sure feels better to cry in a Porsche than on the bus.
If money alone doesn’t make you happier (see: Habit Snack #11 on the Hedonic Treadmill), what is your true goal? A decade ago I was dismayed to realize that even after I hit income goals I’d only ever dreamed of, I never actually felt richer - because my lifestyle expanded to eat up all that extra. It was only when I clarified what I was working toward - freedom and security - that I started to change how I engaged with money.
There’s a series of questions from financial and life planner George Kinder that you can explore to get clarity on how money serves a meaningful life, asked in the following sequence:
Imagine you are financially secure, with enough money to take care of your needs - how would you live your life? What might you change?
Imagine you have 5-10 years to live. You will feel no pain, and you will also have no notice of the time of your death. What will you do in the time you have remaining? Will you change your life, and how will you do it?
Imagine you have 24 hours to live. What feelings arise as you confront your very own mortality? What did I miss? Who did I not get to be? What did I not get to do?
The answers to these questions start to reveal our wants, priorities, and our non-negotiables. Money has no value unless it is giving value to your life. So before we jump to “more” on principle, get clear on what it’s actually helping you create.
To be honest, I haven’t fully solved my issues around money. I guess I just have to take my own advice, and work on consistent, small steps toward positive change!
